At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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