Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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