Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
