Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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