Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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