if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
