It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
