So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Randomize
