I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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