those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
