On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
that's an acceptable place to lick
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
