Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
