On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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