did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
