I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
