it was like his penis was on wheels.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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