I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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