last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
