I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
