Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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