and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
