Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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