Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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