She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
