I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
