I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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