I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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