Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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