Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
