I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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