im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
