she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
