Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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