Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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