were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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