My balls are so social today.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
