I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Drunk is a universal language darling
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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