EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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