At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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