I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
