I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
