Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well I just put wine in my tea
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
