Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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