is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
