So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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