No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
