I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
