so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize