i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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