Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
