thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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